Re-post from September, 15, 2011

It Doesn't Get Easier...

...coping with someone you've lost. Or it hasn't yet. There are so many things in my life that I wish I could share with my Grandpa. Prom. High school graduation. College achievements. Mission work. College graduation. My wedding.
 His funeral was the first day of homecoming week my junior year of high school. I will never forget that day. It was "twin day" and my best friends wondered why I didn't wear what we had planned. We were so busy with arrangements and such I guess I wasn't able to tell them the funeral was so soon. He passed away early Saturday morning; visitation was Sunday and Monday morning and the funeral Monday afternoon. I didn't want to be at the funeral home all day (and wanted to keep my perfect attendance track record) so mom picked me up at 11. That day was the first (and last, at this point in time) time I saw my father cry.

Re-post from April 11, 2012

I am deleting my old blog because it is making life difficult! Sharing old blogs here.

Are You there, God? It's me, Nicole.

With only 24 days until my college graduation, I'm beginning to get a bit panicky. I'm terribly afraid that I'm not going to pass two of my biology courses. Today I got back my latest cell biology exam with a big, fat, ugly "D" on it and had a quiz in invertebrate zoology, so I fought back tears all day long. Every second of the day I am thinking, "3 more points, 3 more points" so I can just get a "C" in each of those classes and they'll give me that stupid diploma. Long gone are the days of being upset of getting a "B" because of med school dreams. Hmmph. Earlier I made a very detailed list of basically every hour of my life until May 3, consisting of studying, studying studying, and I hope to stick to it. On top of all of this, the few places I found to apply for a job have not contacted me. Is it because I don't have my degree yet? Am I not good enough? What's going on here? I need some feedback, but I'm not the type to track people down and bug them until they hate me :S (ANNNDD I'm getting married in 59 days!)

Why did this happen? This semester was supposed to be eeeasy peasy so I could chill out, finish wedding plans, and not have to worry. Obviously, Someone decided to throw another curve ball at me to say, "Psst, hey, Nicole, remember Me? The One who is making all the plans?"  Oh.   Right. Tonight for the devo at Martin, J.T. spoke on fear and being courageous. I was like, "Ah, God, I see what you did there," putting yet another yield sign on the road. It's like He's always finding some way to tell me to trust Him because He's got my back. This is easier said than done, though. Sure, it's easy to think you fully rely on God when things are running smoothly, but as soon as school becomes terrifying instead of challenging, your baby brother has to have surgery, and your bank account needs to go eat a sandwich, you have to step back and actually THINK about your faith. Do I trust God? Do I actually believe that He is on my side and I can do all things through Him? So, yeah, life pretty much stinks right now, and say I don't pass those two classes. I will still become my best friend's wife. I'm still going to find SOME kind of a job, and I'll have to find a way to finish my degree. So what that the last four years of my life will have been wasted academically. At least it was free, right?

But say I DO pick myself up by my bootstraps, march my butt to the library, remember that I'm the co-pilot and God is guiding this plane...and I PASS. It's all going to be okay. My Father knows what's best. Maybe this is His way of showing me that I am not reaching my potential and is giving me a gentle push to success. Yes, it's okay to need to cry and vent every once in a while, but while you're doing that, you have to remember God is going to see you through the storm. Here's an awesome quote: "Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." I think I fall into the latter part of that statement.  So, God, I know you're there, well, HERE. With me. And together we've got this.

Isaiah 41:10
Proverbs 3:6
Isaiah 43:2
Matthew 6:34

Pantyhose and Text Messages

This morning my alarm(s) went off at 6:30 a.m. as opposed to the usual 7:30. I got up, did my bathroom routine, then started to get dressed. On this particular morning, I had to put on a dress shirt, black suit, heels, and the ever-dreaded pantyhose. I tip-toed around the house as I ate breakfast, not wanting to wake up my husband. (He gets up at 7:30 to get ready for school.) You see, today I had my FIRST EVER interview.  I was scared to death! Since I got the phone call/email Monday morning with the news that I had an interview, I'd been mentally preparing and praying. Hard. Having just graduated college, with no job or intern experience, it has been very frustrating to find a job, much less one in the area of my degree. The job I interviewed for is a laboratory technician at the Perdue plant in Monterey. It sounds kind of gross, cutting up chicken and testing for unwanted bacteria, but hey, the science kid in me thinks it's pretty awesome.  If I get this job, I will run total plate counts on the hour, ten hours a day, four days a week. The ONLY bad part about the position is that the hours are on the weekends. Not ideal, but I have no social life in Cookeville anyway. During the interview, I tried to look as confident as possible, but still twisted my rings around my swelling, nervous finger. Overall, I think it went okay, but as this was my first interview, it may have been terrible-no good-very bad-awful because I have nothing by which to compare it. Moving on... Brian and I just got new phones (woohoo!) and with them, text messaging. It's quite useful sometimes! For example, the past three days, my sweet, sweet husband has sent me messages telling me how proud he is of me and that I would be okay in the interview. Other than prayers and strength from God, the message that I read this morning when I woke up was just about all the encouragement I could need. Marriage is SUCH a blessing, but that's a post for another day. :)

"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9, NKJV

"Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."-The Message