Are You there, God? It's me, Nicole.
With only 24 days until my college graduation, I'm beginning to get a bit panicky. I'm terribly afraid that I'm not going to pass two of my biology courses. Today I got back my latest cell biology exam with a big, fat, ugly "D" on it and had a quiz in invertebrate zoology, so I fought back tears all day long. Every second of the day I am thinking, "3 more points, 3 more points" so I can just get a "C" in each of those classes and they'll give me that stupid diploma. Long gone are the days of being upset of getting a "B" because of med school dreams. Hmmph. Earlier I made a very detailed list of basically every hour of my life until May 3, consisting of studying, studying studying, and I hope to stick to it. On top of all of this, the few places I found to apply for a job have not contacted me. Is it because I don't have my degree yet? Am I not good enough? What's going on here? I need some feedback, but I'm not the type to track people down and bug them until they hate me :S (ANNNDD I'm getting married in 59 days!)Why did this happen? This semester was supposed to be eeeasy peasy so I could chill out, finish wedding plans, and not have to worry. Obviously, Someone decided to throw another curve ball at me to say, "Psst, hey, Nicole, remember Me? The One who is making all the plans?" Oh. Right. Tonight for the devo at Martin, J.T. spoke on fear and being courageous. I was like, "Ah, God, I see what you did there," putting yet another yield sign on the road. It's like He's always finding some way to tell me to trust Him because He's got my back. This is easier said than done, though. Sure, it's easy to think you fully rely on God when things are running smoothly, but as soon as school becomes terrifying instead of challenging, your baby brother has to have surgery, and your bank account needs to go eat a sandwich, you have to step back and actually THINK about your faith. Do I trust God? Do I actually believe that He is on my side and I can do all things through Him? So, yeah, life pretty much stinks right now, and say I don't pass those two classes. I will still become my best friend's wife. I'm still going to find SOME kind of a job, and I'll have to find a way to finish my degree. So what that the last four years of my life will have been wasted academically. At least it was free, right?
But say I DO pick myself up by my bootstraps, march my butt to the library, remember that I'm the co-pilot and God is guiding this plane...and I PASS. It's all going to be okay. My Father knows what's best. Maybe this is His way of showing me that I am not reaching my potential and is giving me a gentle push to success. Yes, it's okay to need to cry and vent every once in a while, but while you're doing that, you have to remember God is going to see you through the storm. Here's an awesome quote: "Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." I think I fall into the latter part of that statement. So, God, I know you're there, well, HERE. With me. And together we've got this.
Isaiah 41:10
Proverbs 3:6
Isaiah 43:2
Matthew 6:34
No comments:
Post a Comment