Everything was planned to a "T." I was going to TN Tech, then to either Vanderbilt or the University of Kentucky to medical school. I would meet my future husband in college, or even med school, since I was so studious and not interested in settling down soon. I also had a back-up plan, that if I didn't get married out of college, I would do lots and lots and lots of medical missions. I don't really remember where I planned to live, but I was keen on going to TPAC at least once a month to catch a show. Life would be perfect.
Then I was accepted into the Tennessee Governor's School program and met the little town of Martin, TN. A friend turned into more than a friend and we began dating. A professor told me that realistically only 2 or 3 of my classmates would get accepted to medical school, and I realized that he was right. Life was not going to be as I had originally planned. So I made new plans, trying to make the world fit my expectations (because a nineteen-year-old can make the universe do her bidding).
Classes were increasingly more difficult, I realized I wasn't the smartest kid in school, and a lifetime with my boyfriend, who became my fiance, seemed much happier than working myself to death to become a doctor. I explored other options, toying with the idea of becoming a physician's assistant, but that wasn't right either. My senior year of college I was academically devastated. I was miserable in my major, my grades were unmentionable, and there was no career in sight. After all the years of scheming and heartache, something clicked in my head and I finally understood I cannot rely on my plans. I've heard a saying that if you want to hear God laugh, to tell Him your plans. That's what I had been doing my entire life.
I learned that if I work hard, try to take care of myself and Brian, and have a sure faith, I will be provided for. I don't have the highest paying job in the world, but it has been an amazing experience and will ultimately help me reach other career goals. I don't know what is next for my life but I cannot compare myself to friends and classmates who are fulfilling their plans and dreams. It isn't healthy and only makes me more upset, more stressed, and less fulfilled. Perhaps my latest idea to become a lab technician is actually what I'm meant to do, but maybe it's not. Only He knows.
What I do know at the ripe old age of twenty-three, is that I have to trust the Master. I am still very young and I have an entire life to learn and grow. I have learned that mistakes, missed opportunities, and broken plans lead to maturity and wisdom. Here's to tossing my plans out the window and trusting that God will see me home.
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil."--Proverbs 3:7, ESV
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."--James 1:5, ESV
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